I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dignity is for republicans.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
