god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
