My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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