i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
