Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
