I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize