I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
