get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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