I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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