Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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