I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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