you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just high enough for therapy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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