maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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