Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Boobs are out for the taking
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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