Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize