are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
