that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just puked most of my soul out..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
