Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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