hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
