i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.