i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.