There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.