Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.