Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
