I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My vagina just clenched in fear
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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