Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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