Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
