And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
