Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
