if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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