I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
