he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had sex on a roof
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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