so explain again why im purple
no
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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