You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
