the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your penis caused this!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
