Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
