I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize