I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
