I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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