is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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