break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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