Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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