listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
