I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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