just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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