He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
