I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
