I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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