OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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