i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
