Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
