My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
