I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
