You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
