Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
one might say we're banned from that church
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
