guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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