We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
