Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize