He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
