I wannas sexs uuuuu
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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