I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
