So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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