he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
