I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just shotgunned beers for America
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
